Thoughts

Honduras. Day 57.

{Just some thoughts}

Today I just stayed home. I used one of my "Get Out of Jail Free" intern cards and decided that it was a day for rest.

What I got, however, was something that I needed much, much more.

The other night, I was chatting with Allison on Facebook and she was telling me about a Nooma video that she watched at her church on Wednesday night and how she thought it was one that I needed to watch. She told me that it's one to watch when I'm by myself and without any distractions, though. So this afternoon I pulled it up on YouTube and sat outside of Villa Gracia and watched "Noise" by Rob Bell.

It was a video about the noise of the world and the silence that we need to finally be able to listen to God again. It hit home for me. A couple of hours later, I went down to the Rock by myself and sat there

in silence

and listened. But I have to tell you: at first, I heard absolutely nothing. I listened, and I listened, and I listened, and God said

nothing.

So I started going off on God. I definitely pulled a Job on Him and asked Him where He's been in my life lately, why I can't feel Him, why I can't hear Him, and why He's let people and circumstances around me crush me like they have. And I grumbled, and complained, and just let Him have it.

And then I heard back.

I heard Him ask me if I understood what the word "good" even really meant. I heard Him ask me if I was a god who can see how things would fit together and play out for what is truly "better." I heard Him ask me if I was so focused on myself and worried about myself that I was failing to see that what might hurt me at the time is for the "good" of the bigger picture.

And I started to apologize for questioning Him. But He told me that He had already forgiven me. He forgave me the day He died on the cross for me. He reminded me that His love reaches to the Heavens, and that He would forget that I had walked away from Him, that I had left Him, that I had stopped holding on to Him

because He was ALWAYS still holding on to me.

So I'm letting go. I'm forgetting the past. Because I'm starting to understand that just because His plans don't seem "good" to me at the time, He is this massive, huge, GREAT God who is working things together to truly be

for the better.

A Much Needed Day

Honduras. Day 56.

After morning devo at the fountain area of the mission house, Marc volunteered me to lead a house crew in Zamorano today. So I was already picking out people that I wanted on my crew in my mind. Unfortunately, a bunch of people were going to work on a bridge construction project in Sector Ocho. But it wound up that I had the best house building crew since Hokey Pokey TORCH days anyway.

Lee, Ryan and Janna Beth, Jacob, Daniel Russell, Brian, Lindsey, the Toillion sisters, Sarina, Sean, Eli, and Parker. I don't think I could have asked for a better bunch. We didn't get started until 12:00 noon because the drive was so long to our site, but we finished before 4:00. The house flew together, and it was a simply BEAUTIFUL house at that. And I can't take credit for that. I didn't have to do much "crew leading" today. Everyone just kind of found a job and did it. It was a good day's work.

Afterwards, I saw people passing out stuff to the family for them to have, and Ryan led a prayer with all of them. It was beautiful to see my friends serving others in such a great way. It was refreshing to get a house site that was easy and something we could do and feel like we accomplished something doing. And it was even better just to have fun with a great group of people.

We got back to the mission house and had some amazing food. I showered off and went to devo. I have had a lot of stuff on my mind lately and... frankly, a lot of bitterness towards God, to where being here has become more of a job than anything else... and I just haven't been able to pray or sing at all. But tonight, I was sitting there in devo, and they started singing "I pour out my soul deep within me," and I just started to quietly sing along. Because I realize that God is so much bigger and greater than me, and so my problems and concerns seem huge to me, but He sees the big picture. It was a slow start trying to come back home to Him...

but it's a start.

More Cement, Please

Honduras. Day 56.

We had devotional at the Rock this morning, and then Marc announced where the group was going to be able to go today: 4 people to finish the house in Ojojona, a crew to the hospital, a crew to feed at the dump, an evangelism crew, a crew to work on another school building in Nuevo Oriental, and two house crews to work in Los Pinos. A lot of people going a lot of different directions today. I didn't get to get on the crew to go finish in Ojojona... which I wasn't that upset about... But, I did find it funny that all of them were asking how to do stuff since I wouldn't be there, and they had to have more people come finish it that afternoon ("Maybe we should have included the crew leader after all..."). I was going to go work on house crews in Los Pinos, but there were a million people already on the bus, so I decided to go and work in Nuevo Oriental today.

We mixed cement, pick-axed dirt and rock, and passed cement blocks all day. I took Sean and Daniel Russell to get some eggs, ham, and creme, rolled in a tortilla, from one of my friends there for lunch. I bragged on the food to them all morning, and, sure enough, they thought it was amazing. Then we went back to work, and stayed there until about 4:30. We got Marlon to take us to the supermarket and everyone loaded up and some good sodas and sweets, and then we went back to the mission house. I hung out with Bon Boni, Daniel, and Sean for a little while, and then the rest of the groups got back and we had some amazing dinner. Then a whole bunch of us from Starkville played Apples to Apples before devo.

It's been a long summer, with a lot of problems and drama and exhausting work... But having my group here... Helps a lot.

Another Cursed Ojojona House

Honduras. Day 54.

Today I led a house crew in Ojojona. Most of the group was from Chanelle , Arkansas, and I found out later that it was a memory house for someone they were close to. I had a few others from other groups join us as well. All in all, it was a big crew, but a good crew.

However, the site was not so kind.

It was about a 300 yard hike straight up rock and mud to get the wood and the tools to the site. It was simply miserable trying to get everything up there. Not to mention, it was pouring rain the entire time. We had so many people slipping and falling all day long. But eventually we divided into teams, and the wood team got everything to the site after an hour or so of hard work.

I was on the post-setting team, and I think I've never seen as many problems trying to set posts. We were on the biggest mud slope ever, so the dirt was easy to dig but almost impossible to measure level tapes on. So we had to reset the posts four or five times. It was extremely frustrating, and I could tell the group was impatient, but eventually we got them set and started putting the first boards on for all of the walls. First problem realized: the floor was going to be four feet off the ground on one of the corner posts. Very, very tough to deal with. But we pressed on through all of the problems and got three of the walls done, so then I climbed up the tall wall to chainsaw off the tops of the posts to prepare it for the 3x4. That's when everyone freaked out.

I've been doing that all summer, and so I guess I don't think about stuff being dangerous, but the group was unhappy, not because I was chainsaw while sitting on a half inch board (sorry Mom), but because the storm really picked up and lightning struck a tree about a hundred yards from our house site. It sounded like a gunshot, and the tree caught fire. All the group was like, "Russell, get down! Get down! It's not safe!" So I climbed down, and then they all wanted to go down the hill and wait on the bus for the storm to pass.

Grrr... So we did.

And as soon as we sat on the bus for a good... 30 seconds... the rain stopped. So we went back up to the house. We got a lot more done than I thought we would, but we didn't get to finish. I'll go back and finish it tomorrow morning, so I promised the family we'd come back, and apologized for not getting it done today. They understood and were appreciative. So, after a lot of obstacles, and a very tough house site, I angrily left an unfinished house.

But tomorrow... Tomorrow it will be finished.

Back in Action

Honduras. Day 50.

The past two days I've been out of commission at Marc's house with the Hondo Revenge. All these years of coming to Honduras and never having it finally caught up with me. But the beauty of the Honduran pharmaceutical system is that you can walk into the local "Farmacia" and, if you know the right people, buy whatever pills you want. And with the extra strength stuff that Terri bought for me yesterday, I don't think it's possible for ANY kind of bacteria to still survive in my stomach.

Today I led a group at Hospital Escuela. Sometimes I've led groups that just really don't know what to do, or kind of stand around looking lost, but the group that I had today rocked. They really took time to stay and play and pray with all of the kids, instead of just running through dropping stuffed animals in all of the beds. And they took time to be with the moms too. We dropped off baby care packages in the maternity ward, and then I took some to the burn unit, and then we all went and spent the rest of the time in the cancer ward. Today I really felt like I was actually helping the group and growing closer to them at the same time (a great feeling after sitting by myself at Marc's watching movies off of iTunes).

After the hospital, we went to the Campero's area for lunch. Translation: Little Caesar's for me. No surprise there. Then we got back on the bus and went to the warehouse to let everyone get stuffed animals and toys to take to the blind school. I know that they love toys that make noise, so I got a maraca to give to my little girlfriend, Maria. When we got to the blind school, they sang several songs to us, and then we to them, and then we went out on the patio and played. Me and Pete sat with Maria and tickled her while she laughed her head off, and told her we "loved" the music she was making with her new maraca.

Afterwards, we went to Mall Multiplaza. Argh. I don't enjoy the mall that much. But, I just sat with a few people in the food court and we talked for a very long time, and then a few of us went to T.G.I. Friday's for mini burger bites and chicken quesadillas right before time to get back on the bus. Then we loaded up and went to the Jesus statue for devotional tonight.

Just another great day in Honduras.

Los Pinos House

Honduras. Day 47.

Good day, today.

Today I woke up around 6:30 to discover that the electricity in Marc's house was out. And since the shower head is electric here, me, Nolan, Rayner, Steve, Andrea, Marc and Terri all had to miss out on the luxury of actually being clean. Terri left early to go pick up someone from the Kingsport, TN group that was coming into San Pedro Sula today. The rest of us went to devotional with the group at Julio's house. After devo, we all loaded up on Esperanza and headed out towards Mirador Oriente to drop off a crew of people to help build the high school or help serve food in the feeding center in the community. Then the rest of us stayed on the bus and headed to Los Pinos to build a house.

Me and Nolan were sort of the crew leaders for a little while because Luis was a little late getting there this morning (something about the Galloper sliding off a cliff... so he didn't have a ride or something... I'm still not really sure). The crew was full of younger people, and a whole lot of newbies at that, but they were all really great workers and a whole lot of fun to be around. We worked hard on the house all day long and everything just ran really, really smoothly. We finished up at about 4:00 and got back on the bus to head back to Julio's for some AMAZING pork ribs, mashed potatoes, and salad, and then another devotional period and a time to talk about where everyone saw Jesus today.

I want to say something that I saw today in the kids on the mountain, though. I have never seen the kids, in any community, much less Los Pinos, beg and yell at us and then gripe if we wouldn't give it to them for EVERYTHING that we had. It was terrible, and it really gave a lot of the new TORCHers a bad impression of the kids here. I tried to explain to them that it really frustrated me too, but that I had never seen it that bad before. It was a huge test of patience today, and it just really got to me.

But as much as it annoyed me... They have things that they want, and who else are they supposed to ask? Their moms and dads can't give it to them; their brothers and sisters sure won't. So when a big group of Gringos comes to the mountain, I guess I can't blame them for wanting a few things, and not being afraid to say, "Give me that!"

I guess that's what we sound like to God sometimes. Most any time that we actually make time to talk with Him, we say, "Give me that! Give me forgiveness! Give me happiness! Give me an easier life! Give me a way out of this!" And sometimes I think that God just wants to say, "Whoa! Why don't you slow down and just sit in my lap, or let's hang out, or let me tell you how much I love you." But isn't it awesome that, as tired as I may get of others always asking for stuff, God never gets tired of us. He wants us to slow down, and to enjoy His presence, and wait on Him; but He realizes that we have no one else to ask for what we want and need, and He is the good Father that always provides for His children.

And I thank Him for that.

A Rockin' Sunday

Honduras. Day 46.

As I write this, I am STILL excited about what a great day I had today!

I slept in until about 8:00 this morning. Marc said I could have slept in until 9:00 while he went and brought the TORCH group to Santa Ana for church and Terri and Andrea were running early morning errands in town; but once I found out that I had the house to myself, it didn't take long for me to pop out of bed and make myself some killer breakfast burritos. After feasting on those, I got to take my time getting ready for church. I read some from Psalms and enjoyed some coffee, and then made me way over to the church building.

The TORCH group was late because the bus apparently got stuck leaving Julio's, but they eventually made it there just a little ways into the sermon. I actually undestood the sermon today, which felt awesome to be able to do in and of itself, but it was also a very good sermon on what it really looks like to be a family in Christ. After church, we played with the kids at Casa for a little while, and then loaded up and went to Carnita's for lunch.

After Carnita's we made the long bus ride to Valley of Angels. I stuck with the TORCH group today instead of hanging out with the other interns, and I really felt like I got to connect with a bunch of people in the group. This group is really nice, and I enjoyed spending time with them, even in the "ultra touristy" Valley. But I have to admit, I did the tourist thing myself today and actually bought something: a small guitar with a hand-carved illustration of a Honduran village on the front. It was listed as 1400 lempiras, but I got the guy down to 900 (can't beat that price; you know you bargained well when the guy has to go ask his wife if they can sell it for that cheap, haha). Then we got back on the bus and went to Santa Lucia to a cool little local coffee shop area. Again, I just hung out with the TORCHers there and got to know them better. They're a younger group, but they're hilarious. And all the adults are just as friendly too.

We met up with Tom Beech's TORCH group for devo in the Catholic church there in Santa Lucia, and I have to tell you: it's been a long time since I experienced worship to God that intense. Everyone was really singing out, and it was like I was just getting to pour out my soul before the Father. And when we started singing more upbeat songs (like "I Belong to Jesus"), everyone was smiling and just so excited that when we'd finish, no one could help but break out into applause. It was a huge spiritual booster.

I had an awesome day in Hondo today.