God is in This City (2)

United States of America. Day 1.

I started this blog talking about how I was making an escape to Honduras, only to find a God there who was alive and well in the capital city of Tegucigalpa. And I now conclude this blog by saying that I have returned home from that city today and found that that same God is here inthis city in America as well; a God who is still living, breathing, active, and unchanging. He is the God who has done amazing works in a city in Honduras this summer, and allowed me to witness some of them. And He is the God who, I know, will now not only continue good works in that city while I'm gone, but will let me continue to witness the might and wonder of His glory through His works where I am now.

So, I'm not "home" from a mission trip right now. Because I have realized that my life is a mission trip. A mission trip is a journey in which a person goes to some strange land to try and reveal Christ to others there, but then they return home. Well, if my home is actually not here but in Heaven, then every day that I spend on this planet is a day in some strange land where Christ is still needing to be revealed: whether it be Tegucigalpa, Starkville, or Henderson. And some day (but not today) I will finish this mission trip on this earth and FINALLY

go home.

***

"God of This City"

by Chris Tomlin

You're the God of this city
You're the King of these people
You're the Lord of this nation
You Are

For there is no one like our God
There is no one like our God

Greater things have yet to come
Great things are still to be done
In this city
Greater things are still to come
And greater things are still to be done here

You're the Lord of Creation
The Creator of all things
You're the King above all Kings
You Are

You're the strength in our weakness
You're the love to the broken
You're the joy in the sadness
You Are

Greater things have yet to come
Great things are still to be done
In this city
Where glory shines from hearts alive
With praise for you and love for you
In this city

Greater things have yet to come
Great things are still to be done
In this city
Greater things are still to come
And greater things are still to be done here

My Last Day

Honduras. Day 65.

It's been a crazy past two months, so why wouldn't it be a crazy last day too?

This morning I took a small group of guys to go and re-do a roof on Anna's (Danella, Josilyn, and Lester's mom) house. I promised to get her a new roof back in June, if you remember that from one of the old blog entries, and I was fearing that that promise was going to fall through and I'd never get to fix the roof of one of my favorite families in all of Hondo. But Marc gave me enough money to buy all of the wood and tin I would need to go and get it done today, and he let me pick four other guys and basically just said, "Go do it!"

So me, Nolan, Parker, Lee, and Justin went out to Villa Nueva Sector Ocho for the last day of our trip. And what a day it was. The roof was much more complicated than we expected. We were trying to salvage as much of the old tin and wood as possible (and dodging all of the way too scary electrical wiring). The problem was, some of the wood didn't want to be salvaged; it was way too weak and kept threatening to break all day long. And, of course, you knew it had to happen sooner or later... It broke. And guess who it broke under? If you guessed, "Arroz," you guessed right. The roof split right underneath me about 30 minutes into the tear-down, and I broke through all the way to the ground. Thankfully, their bed was right under where I fell.

I saw Jesus in a conveniently placed bed today.

We eventually got the roof off, and then argued through how we were going to assemble the new roof pieces (as Lee said, we were "free-styling" today because no one had ever tried to re-roof on a concrete block house before). We got a good roof support system laid out, took a Wendy's break (David and Stacy Maharrey are now adding the last tick mark to how many times I've eaten out this summer), and then went to go buy some extra tin. We hauled the tin back and finished the house.

Awesome, awesome, awesome day.

I got to say my "goodbye's" and "I love you's" to several of my kids in Sector Ocho, and then it was time to go because it was getting so late. And as we rolled out of that village for

one last time

I heard all of the kids and brothers and sisters I had come to know so well saying, "Adios! Adios!" But among those "Adios!'s," I heard Anna crying out, "Gracias! Gracias! Gracias!" And her neighbors saying, "Gracias a Dios!" ("Thank you, God!") It's been a long, crazy, challenging summer, but hearing the cries of a people who say, "Thank you," and not to me but to God, makes it all seem complete in some way.

God has a way of completing things, I suppose.

More Goodbyes

Honduras. Day 64.

Today I rode into town with Marc and had him drop me off at the apartments so that I could work out the horrendous laundry bill problem with the manager so that the interns don't owe nearly $1000 in laundry (it's a long, stupid story). We worked through it and got the bill cut lower. Afterwards, I had a few hours to kill before I could meet up with a TORCH bus and get back with the group, so I walked down the street and got one last panes (an amazing Honduran breakfast sub) from my favorite street vendor. Then I walked to Little Caesar's to eat it, and then to Cafemania (again, one last time) for a mocachino. Then I walked to the McDonald's across the street from Campero's (where I figured the bus would go) and sat on the bench outside with Ronald McDonald and waved to people (yes, I'm weird). An hour later, I lucked out and a TORCH bus rode by and I jumped on.

We went to the school for the blind next. I have gotten tired of visiting so many places this summer, but I have never gotten tired of the school for the blind. And as I played with all of my little friends, and held hands with my "girlfriend" Maria, and listened to the kids (the angels) sing... It all set in that it was really ending, and that I was walking out of the gate to the blind school for the last time.

God really has blessed me with quite an experience that I'll never forget...

Tonight, me, Wesley, Daniel Russell, Tracy and Eli went to La Cumbre for dinner (a BEAUTIFUL restaurant, ritzier and nicer than any I've ever been to in the States). It was a wonderful and peaceful evening, with some of the best food I've ever had. Ever. A great way to conclude the trip.

I had to say, "Goodbye" to many things today. And yet, I know, that saying, "Goodbye" to Sector Ocho tomorrow will be the toughest of all.

God bless them all.

Last Day in Los Pinos

Honduras. Day 63.

The past two days (today and yesterday) have been some of the most physically and emotionally challenging days of the summer.

And yet they were wonderful all at the same time.

Yesterday, a group of us set out to Los Pinos on Jenny Cobb's house crew. We got to the site and saw that there was going to be a little bit of a downhill struggle to get the wood and the tools to the site, but it was nothing worse than anything I've seen so far this summer. No, the challenge was what we found when we got to the site: a six foot slope of solid rock. Normally we can just elevate the floor and ignore the slope, but this slope was so extreme that we had to chisel it out with bars and pick axes.

And did I mention it was solid rock?

So the first three or so hours of the house site was purely just swinging heavy metal objects at rock. Twenty minutes of driving a bar will melt your arms into jell-o, let me just go ahead and tell ya'. But eventually we lowered the slope a couple of feet and were able to start digging post-holes. Still, we blew so much time working with the rock that we were only able to get all of the 4x4 and 2x4 posts in, and then it was time to leave.

But this morning, the "bufftruck" crew loaded up in Guillermo's mini-bus and headed back to Los Pinos to finally tackle what was honestly the most difficult house site I've ever seen. Mark Connell eventually showed up and helped us out GREATLY, but the crew itself was a powerful, cohesive team, and we finished up by about 1:30 in the afternoon. It was a TOUGH house to finish, but extremely rewarding to finally get done with. Then, a few of us went with Victor, probably my best friend in all of Honduras (he always asks where I am when Gringos show up on the mountain, he never begs for stuff like the other kids, and he always helps on EVERY house site in Los Pinos, and never gets paid except for whatever stuff we might give him), to go visit his house. It was a small hut, maybe 20x16, with a half separating wall in the middle and Victor said it was where he

and his ten brothers and sisters

lived. It was amazing to finally see my best friend's house (he's been asking me to come visit for a long time), and we just sat and looked at family pictures and talked with him. Will and Jenny left them their shoes for him and his family, and then it was time to go.

Here comes the heart-wrenching part.

All of the kids were well aware that it was our last day in Los Pinos for the year. And some of the ones that I was closest to (Wilson, Victor, Josilyn, and Keydi) even knew that it was probably my last day in Los Pinos ever. So when it was time to get on the bus, there was this swarm of children around our work crew. But they were no mob; they begged for nothing; they were silent. They just stood there, wanting to hug every one of us several times, and tell us that they loved us. So after five years of coming to TORCH, and spending the majority of those years working in Los Pinos with these children, the day had finally come to say, "Goodbye." And it was much harder than I expected. I don't know if I squeezed too hard, but I definitely gave each of those kids the biggest hugs I could. I told them that I loved them. I told them that I'd miss them.

And then I got on the bus.

And I will never forget their faces, running alongside the bus, smiling and waving (all the while fighting back the rest of their tears) and telling us, "Adios."

"Adios..."

Adios, Los Pinos. Adios.

The Widow's Mite

Honduras. Day 61 (July 28).

Today I hit my two-month mark of time spent here in Honduras this summer.

I had seriously been considering going to build a house today (just for my personal sanity since it's been since Thursday that I've gotten to build one), but they offered a clothing distribution center opportunity in Sector Ocho and, fearing that I don't have much time left to be able to be with the kids in my favorite community anymore, I jumped on that opportunity. Several other Starkville people did as well, which made for a good, fun day. Plus, Maria Phillips organized the clothing center and she is AMAZING at organizing, so it all went extremely smoothly and we clothed the whole community. What a great day!

But let me tell you where I saw Jesus today. I think this was the firs time, all summer long, where I spoke up at "Where Did You See Jesus Today" at devo.

When I got there, there were a bunch of kids that remembered me that ran up to me crying out, "Arroz! Arroz!" like normal in Sector Ocho. But today, one kid came up to me, calling me "Arroz," whom I had never even seen before. And normally that wouldn't phase me, but this kid was just crazy about some "Arroz." He was kind of chubbier, maybe 9 years old, and he was just hanging all over me, wanting hugs, wanting me to talk to him, not wanting me to give him anything but just wanting my attention.

His name was Manuel.

And at first I got a little annoyed. It doesn't take long for one kid to hug you a little too much before you start thinking, "Okay, go find you another Gringo, kid." But in Manuel, I just saw this great need for love. I saw this need for attention. So I kept trying to give it to him all day. But let me tell you, it was he who returned the love back to me.

I used to blow tons of money on the kids in Sector Ocho, buying them drinks and food. But two months of living here has depleted my money supply, and I have a little bit left to get through the rest of this week on. But Manuel and a bunch of his friends ran up to me, asking me if they could go with me and all buy some Cokes. I apologized to them, and explained how I'd been here for so long that all I have left is 50 lempiras (about $2.50) to get me through the rest of this week.

At first, they all just nodded their heads. But then something amazing happened. Manuel reached in his pocket and pulled out

one lempira,

a little less than a nickel,

and tried to hand it to me. I started saying I couldn't take his money, and then all of his friends reached in their pockets and pulled out their lempiras, and tried to give them to me. I had about 5 little hands pushing no more than a dollar in my face. I turned them all down, thanked them profusely, but tried to assure them that I would be okay.

Today I saw the widow who gave to the temple treasury out of her poverty in Manuel. And, if I came on this trip for no other reason, I'm glad that I saw Jesus in Manuel today. Because I think that that had to be one of those "you'll-never-forget-this-moment" kind of moments that will change me forever.

Relaxed

Honduras. Day 60.

Today we all went to church in Los Pinos. Wesley and Cisco preached, and by the end of the sermon there were three new sisters and one new brother in Christ, totaling (I believe) 27 baptisms so far this trip. It was a great time to clap and smile and hug and rejoice in the birth of new Christians, and imagine the even greater rejoicing going on at the party in Heaven.

After church, we all went to Cascadas Mall for lunch. Most everyone from the Starkville group went to get some T.G.I. Friday's (ohhhh, so good). Then we got back on the buses and went out to Valle de Angeles. I went in one store to get a couple more souvenirs for the family, and then I was done (I've been to Valley of Angels ENOUGH this year), so I just went to a coffee shop to sit and work on my devo for the evening. We loaded the buses at about 5:00, went back to Villa Gracia, and enjoyed a TON of Church's chicken. After that, I did the devo on realizing that it's not about us (how big or great we think we are, so focused on ourselves), but that it's all about realizing the big picture and the greatness of our God. Afterwards, I had someone in the trip pull me aside about wanting to change their life.

Maybe God did have a purpose for me after all.

Later that night, all the guys sat around in the Starkville guys' dorm and played Mafia until midnight. It was just an all-around good, relaxing Sunday.

Fruit Market

Honduras. Day 59.

Let me tell you about the awesomeness that has been the past two days.

The past two days, I have woken up, had a delicious breakfast with some of the best people in the world, and then sat through inspiring and encouraging devotionals. Yesterday, Parker led a house crew in Los Pinos. I was going to help on his crew, but he already had like 20 people, so I stuck with most of the Starkville guys and went to the fruit market in Downtown Tegus.

At the fruit market, we all split up into groups to go and bargain for good prices on hundreds of different kinds of fruits and veggies. Me and my group of Cameron, Austin, Logan, and Will bought 300 cabbages and got a little boy to haul them back to the bus for us. Then we all experimented with some of the local foods (thankfully no one "regretted" that later), and then we went to the warehouse to pack up all of the food for distribution that afternoon. After a bite at Pizza Hut, we loaded up the bus and went to Los Pinos to pass out bags of fresh food to all of the families there. It was so amazing to give food to so many people.

But I will never forget the face of the boy that asked for a bag of food for his family right after I had given away my last bag.

That evening, we went to the Jesus Statue for devotional (for my 50th time this summer I can now say, "Yes, Concrete Jesus IS still there."). Wrapped up a great day.

Today: I did basically the same thing. Everyone enjoyed the fruit market and food distribution so much that we did it again. Today I had a much bigger group of a lot more Starkville people, and we just about bought all of one lady's oranges from her stand. We paid another little cart boy to carry them to the bus, and then we all got a little more food from the street vendors before heading to the warehouse. We did our assembly line of food packing again, and then went to... guess... Pizza Hut (is there an echo in here?). Afterwards, we went to a community outside of Valle de Angeles and distributed food to all of the families there.

Let me tell you about one girl I gave some food to. I handed her the bag of food and she smiled and said, "Thank you," but then she just stood there. I asked her what she wanted, and she told me that she really wanted a Bible for her family.

Because the food bag was nice, but some spiritual food would be so much better.

So I ran to find the other group and ask them if they had any Bibles left. There was only one left on the whole mountain. I got it from Jeffrey, and ran back to the girl who was waiting patiently for the Bible. I've never seen someone wait so patiently and excitedly for God's Word, and then to see God provide just one more Bible for His daughter who was waiting.

I saw Jesus in that.

And that made for a good day.

Thoughts

Honduras. Day 57.

{Just some thoughts}

Today I just stayed home. I used one of my "Get Out of Jail Free" intern cards and decided that it was a day for rest.

What I got, however, was something that I needed much, much more.

The other night, I was chatting with Allison on Facebook and she was telling me about a Nooma video that she watched at her church on Wednesday night and how she thought it was one that I needed to watch. She told me that it's one to watch when I'm by myself and without any distractions, though. So this afternoon I pulled it up on YouTube and sat outside of Villa Gracia and watched "Noise" by Rob Bell.

It was a video about the noise of the world and the silence that we need to finally be able to listen to God again. It hit home for me. A couple of hours later, I went down to the Rock by myself and sat there

in silence

and listened. But I have to tell you: at first, I heard absolutely nothing. I listened, and I listened, and I listened, and God said

nothing.

So I started going off on God. I definitely pulled a Job on Him and asked Him where He's been in my life lately, why I can't feel Him, why I can't hear Him, and why He's let people and circumstances around me crush me like they have. And I grumbled, and complained, and just let Him have it.

And then I heard back.

I heard Him ask me if I understood what the word "good" even really meant. I heard Him ask me if I was a god who can see how things would fit together and play out for what is truly "better." I heard Him ask me if I was so focused on myself and worried about myself that I was failing to see that what might hurt me at the time is for the "good" of the bigger picture.

And I started to apologize for questioning Him. But He told me that He had already forgiven me. He forgave me the day He died on the cross for me. He reminded me that His love reaches to the Heavens, and that He would forget that I had walked away from Him, that I had left Him, that I had stopped holding on to Him

because He was ALWAYS still holding on to me.

So I'm letting go. I'm forgetting the past. Because I'm starting to understand that just because His plans don't seem "good" to me at the time, He is this massive, huge, GREAT God who is working things together to truly be

for the better.

A Much Needed Day

Honduras. Day 56.

After morning devo at the fountain area of the mission house, Marc volunteered me to lead a house crew in Zamorano today. So I was already picking out people that I wanted on my crew in my mind. Unfortunately, a bunch of people were going to work on a bridge construction project in Sector Ocho. But it wound up that I had the best house building crew since Hokey Pokey TORCH days anyway.

Lee, Ryan and Janna Beth, Jacob, Daniel Russell, Brian, Lindsey, the Toillion sisters, Sarina, Sean, Eli, and Parker. I don't think I could have asked for a better bunch. We didn't get started until 12:00 noon because the drive was so long to our site, but we finished before 4:00. The house flew together, and it was a simply BEAUTIFUL house at that. And I can't take credit for that. I didn't have to do much "crew leading" today. Everyone just kind of found a job and did it. It was a good day's work.

Afterwards, I saw people passing out stuff to the family for them to have, and Ryan led a prayer with all of them. It was beautiful to see my friends serving others in such a great way. It was refreshing to get a house site that was easy and something we could do and feel like we accomplished something doing. And it was even better just to have fun with a great group of people.

We got back to the mission house and had some amazing food. I showered off and went to devo. I have had a lot of stuff on my mind lately and... frankly, a lot of bitterness towards God, to where being here has become more of a job than anything else... and I just haven't been able to pray or sing at all. But tonight, I was sitting there in devo, and they started singing "I pour out my soul deep within me," and I just started to quietly sing along. Because I realize that God is so much bigger and greater than me, and so my problems and concerns seem huge to me, but He sees the big picture. It was a slow start trying to come back home to Him...

but it's a start.

More Cement, Please

Honduras. Day 56.

We had devotional at the Rock this morning, and then Marc announced where the group was going to be able to go today: 4 people to finish the house in Ojojona, a crew to the hospital, a crew to feed at the dump, an evangelism crew, a crew to work on another school building in Nuevo Oriental, and two house crews to work in Los Pinos. A lot of people going a lot of different directions today. I didn't get to get on the crew to go finish in Ojojona... which I wasn't that upset about... But, I did find it funny that all of them were asking how to do stuff since I wouldn't be there, and they had to have more people come finish it that afternoon ("Maybe we should have included the crew leader after all..."). I was going to go work on house crews in Los Pinos, but there were a million people already on the bus, so I decided to go and work in Nuevo Oriental today.

We mixed cement, pick-axed dirt and rock, and passed cement blocks all day. I took Sean and Daniel Russell to get some eggs, ham, and creme, rolled in a tortilla, from one of my friends there for lunch. I bragged on the food to them all morning, and, sure enough, they thought it was amazing. Then we went back to work, and stayed there until about 4:30. We got Marlon to take us to the supermarket and everyone loaded up and some good sodas and sweets, and then we went back to the mission house. I hung out with Bon Boni, Daniel, and Sean for a little while, and then the rest of the groups got back and we had some amazing dinner. Then a whole bunch of us from Starkville played Apples to Apples before devo.

It's been a long summer, with a lot of problems and drama and exhausting work... But having my group here... Helps a lot.

Another Cursed Ojojona House

Honduras. Day 54.

Today I led a house crew in Ojojona. Most of the group was from Chanelle , Arkansas, and I found out later that it was a memory house for someone they were close to. I had a few others from other groups join us as well. All in all, it was a big crew, but a good crew.

However, the site was not so kind.

It was about a 300 yard hike straight up rock and mud to get the wood and the tools to the site. It was simply miserable trying to get everything up there. Not to mention, it was pouring rain the entire time. We had so many people slipping and falling all day long. But eventually we divided into teams, and the wood team got everything to the site after an hour or so of hard work.

I was on the post-setting team, and I think I've never seen as many problems trying to set posts. We were on the biggest mud slope ever, so the dirt was easy to dig but almost impossible to measure level tapes on. So we had to reset the posts four or five times. It was extremely frustrating, and I could tell the group was impatient, but eventually we got them set and started putting the first boards on for all of the walls. First problem realized: the floor was going to be four feet off the ground on one of the corner posts. Very, very tough to deal with. But we pressed on through all of the problems and got three of the walls done, so then I climbed up the tall wall to chainsaw off the tops of the posts to prepare it for the 3x4. That's when everyone freaked out.

I've been doing that all summer, and so I guess I don't think about stuff being dangerous, but the group was unhappy, not because I was chainsaw while sitting on a half inch board (sorry Mom), but because the storm really picked up and lightning struck a tree about a hundred yards from our house site. It sounded like a gunshot, and the tree caught fire. All the group was like, "Russell, get down! Get down! It's not safe!" So I climbed down, and then they all wanted to go down the hill and wait on the bus for the storm to pass.

Grrr... So we did.

And as soon as we sat on the bus for a good... 30 seconds... the rain stopped. So we went back up to the house. We got a lot more done than I thought we would, but we didn't get to finish. I'll go back and finish it tomorrow morning, so I promised the family we'd come back, and apologized for not getting it done today. They understood and were appreciative. So, after a lot of obstacles, and a very tough house site, I angrily left an unfinished house.

But tomorrow... Tomorrow it will be finished.

Back in Action

Honduras. Day 50.

The past two days I've been out of commission at Marc's house with the Hondo Revenge. All these years of coming to Honduras and never having it finally caught up with me. But the beauty of the Honduran pharmaceutical system is that you can walk into the local "Farmacia" and, if you know the right people, buy whatever pills you want. And with the extra strength stuff that Terri bought for me yesterday, I don't think it's possible for ANY kind of bacteria to still survive in my stomach.

Today I led a group at Hospital Escuela. Sometimes I've led groups that just really don't know what to do, or kind of stand around looking lost, but the group that I had today rocked. They really took time to stay and play and pray with all of the kids, instead of just running through dropping stuffed animals in all of the beds. And they took time to be with the moms too. We dropped off baby care packages in the maternity ward, and then I took some to the burn unit, and then we all went and spent the rest of the time in the cancer ward. Today I really felt like I was actually helping the group and growing closer to them at the same time (a great feeling after sitting by myself at Marc's watching movies off of iTunes).

After the hospital, we went to the Campero's area for lunch. Translation: Little Caesar's for me. No surprise there. Then we got back on the bus and went to the warehouse to let everyone get stuffed animals and toys to take to the blind school. I know that they love toys that make noise, so I got a maraca to give to my little girlfriend, Maria. When we got to the blind school, they sang several songs to us, and then we to them, and then we went out on the patio and played. Me and Pete sat with Maria and tickled her while she laughed her head off, and told her we "loved" the music she was making with her new maraca.

Afterwards, we went to Mall Multiplaza. Argh. I don't enjoy the mall that much. But, I just sat with a few people in the food court and we talked for a very long time, and then a few of us went to T.G.I. Friday's for mini burger bites and chicken quesadillas right before time to get back on the bus. Then we loaded up and went to the Jesus statue for devotional tonight.

Just another great day in Honduras.

Los Pinos House

Honduras. Day 47.

Good day, today.

Today I woke up around 6:30 to discover that the electricity in Marc's house was out. And since the shower head is electric here, me, Nolan, Rayner, Steve, Andrea, Marc and Terri all had to miss out on the luxury of actually being clean. Terri left early to go pick up someone from the Kingsport, TN group that was coming into San Pedro Sula today. The rest of us went to devotional with the group at Julio's house. After devo, we all loaded up on Esperanza and headed out towards Mirador Oriente to drop off a crew of people to help build the high school or help serve food in the feeding center in the community. Then the rest of us stayed on the bus and headed to Los Pinos to build a house.

Me and Nolan were sort of the crew leaders for a little while because Luis was a little late getting there this morning (something about the Galloper sliding off a cliff... so he didn't have a ride or something... I'm still not really sure). The crew was full of younger people, and a whole lot of newbies at that, but they were all really great workers and a whole lot of fun to be around. We worked hard on the house all day long and everything just ran really, really smoothly. We finished up at about 4:00 and got back on the bus to head back to Julio's for some AMAZING pork ribs, mashed potatoes, and salad, and then another devotional period and a time to talk about where everyone saw Jesus today.

I want to say something that I saw today in the kids on the mountain, though. I have never seen the kids, in any community, much less Los Pinos, beg and yell at us and then gripe if we wouldn't give it to them for EVERYTHING that we had. It was terrible, and it really gave a lot of the new TORCHers a bad impression of the kids here. I tried to explain to them that it really frustrated me too, but that I had never seen it that bad before. It was a huge test of patience today, and it just really got to me.

But as much as it annoyed me... They have things that they want, and who else are they supposed to ask? Their moms and dads can't give it to them; their brothers and sisters sure won't. So when a big group of Gringos comes to the mountain, I guess I can't blame them for wanting a few things, and not being afraid to say, "Give me that!"

I guess that's what we sound like to God sometimes. Most any time that we actually make time to talk with Him, we say, "Give me that! Give me forgiveness! Give me happiness! Give me an easier life! Give me a way out of this!" And sometimes I think that God just wants to say, "Whoa! Why don't you slow down and just sit in my lap, or let's hang out, or let me tell you how much I love you." But isn't it awesome that, as tired as I may get of others always asking for stuff, God never gets tired of us. He wants us to slow down, and to enjoy His presence, and wait on Him; but He realizes that we have no one else to ask for what we want and need, and He is the good Father that always provides for His children.

And I thank Him for that.

A Rockin' Sunday

Honduras. Day 46.

As I write this, I am STILL excited about what a great day I had today!

I slept in until about 8:00 this morning. Marc said I could have slept in until 9:00 while he went and brought the TORCH group to Santa Ana for church and Terri and Andrea were running early morning errands in town; but once I found out that I had the house to myself, it didn't take long for me to pop out of bed and make myself some killer breakfast burritos. After feasting on those, I got to take my time getting ready for church. I read some from Psalms and enjoyed some coffee, and then made me way over to the church building.

The TORCH group was late because the bus apparently got stuck leaving Julio's, but they eventually made it there just a little ways into the sermon. I actually undestood the sermon today, which felt awesome to be able to do in and of itself, but it was also a very good sermon on what it really looks like to be a family in Christ. After church, we played with the kids at Casa for a little while, and then loaded up and went to Carnita's for lunch.

After Carnita's we made the long bus ride to Valley of Angels. I stuck with the TORCH group today instead of hanging out with the other interns, and I really felt like I got to connect with a bunch of people in the group. This group is really nice, and I enjoyed spending time with them, even in the "ultra touristy" Valley. But I have to admit, I did the tourist thing myself today and actually bought something: a small guitar with a hand-carved illustration of a Honduran village on the front. It was listed as 1400 lempiras, but I got the guy down to 900 (can't beat that price; you know you bargained well when the guy has to go ask his wife if they can sell it for that cheap, haha). Then we got back on the bus and went to Santa Lucia to a cool little local coffee shop area. Again, I just hung out with the TORCHers there and got to know them better. They're a younger group, but they're hilarious. And all the adults are just as friendly too.

We met up with Tom Beech's TORCH group for devo in the Catholic church there in Santa Lucia, and I have to tell you: it's been a long time since I experienced worship to God that intense. Everyone was really singing out, and it was like I was just getting to pour out my soul before the Father. And when we started singing more upbeat songs (like "I Belong to Jesus"), everyone was smiling and just so excited that when we'd finish, no one could help but break out into applause. It was a huge spiritual booster.

I had an awesome day in Hondo today.

San Pedro Sula

Honduras. Day 45.

This is a summary of Friday and Saturday.

This weekend I went with Marc to the city of San Pedro Sula to greet some of the new TORCH groups coming in. We woke up really early Friday morning and left Santa Ana at around 6:00 in the morning. We drove all the way to Comoyagua and then stopped at Dunkin' Donuts (surprise, surprise, to all of you that think it's funny how much I eat out here) for some breakfast to go.

Thank you, Father, for Apple Fritters...

We got to San Pedro at about 11:00. We stopped at one hotel on the way in to check their rates. It looked like a nice enough hotel; it had gated walls, covered garages, you know, just real private. Well Marc parked and went into the reception to ask how much it was for a night there. The lady looked at him funny and said, "Well, we charge for four hours."

Marc got back in the car and said, "How fast do you think we can get out of here."

Don't worry, kids; you'll figure that one out when you're older.

So we laughed about that for a while and then we eventually got into the airport. We greeted Tom Beech's group and eventually got them on Norlan's bus. Customs in San Pedro take an eternity, so it gave me plenty of time to relax and I actually got to call Stacy, my sister, which was a great treat. Once the TORCHers were on their way to Tegus by about 4:00, me and Marc loaded back up and went to a little hotel/apartment villa called, "Villa Nueva." Marc had stayed there before, and it was super nice. We chilled there for a little while and then decided to go and "feast" for supper that night. So we went to T.G.I. Friday's and had Jack Daniel's steak and a "Doble Brownie" for dessert. I got to go to bed early that night, and got to sleep in a little the next morning.

We got up around 8:00 or so and went and got pancakes at the restaurant in the village. There were a ton of gringos there. It was kind of weird to see other mission groups, especially living in such a nice villa. But to each his own I guess... After pancakes, we grabbed our computers and went around town looking for an Internet cafe. It was awesome to get to see the downtown of San Pedro; it was very American looking, yet still retained Honduran architecture, which made for a cool blend. We eventually stopped at a McDonald's and surfed the Web for an hour or so before heading back to the airport.

Terri and Andrea were there by the time we showed up. Marc went to look for people as they would come off the plain, and me, Terri, Andrea, Guillermo and his three friends went and had Wendy's. I got a chance to call home and talk to Mom and Dad, which is always great. The rest of Tom Beech's group got through customs about two hours later, and we shuttled them off to Tegus. And then at about 4:30, the South Carolina/Kingsport, TN group finally got out of customs and was ready to go. We loaded all of their luggage on Esperanza and left at about 5:00. It was a lot of fun to ride with this TORCH group. Several of them remember me from last year, and they are all just really a nice, warm group (much appreciated after a long summer!). I can tell I'm going to enjoy working with them. We all ate at a buffet called "Bongo's" in Yastepec, and then we started to make our way to Tegus.

And then the tire had a blow-out.

We called Marc who was ahead of us and got him to stop in Comoyagua and bring a mechanic. He showed up within 15 minutes with a guy that fixed the tire in about 20 or 30 minutes (he had to run back to his shop so it took a little while). And he did it, at 10:00 at night, for about $25. Ya' gotta' love Honduras. So we all finally got to get back on the bus, everyone extremely exhausted by that point, and made the last two hours to Tegus. We helped them get all of their stuff into their dorms at Julio's house in Santa Ana, and said goodnight. Tomorrow they'll come to church here in Santa Ana and then we'll go to Valley of Angels in the afternoon.

A great, relaxing weekend in Honduras!

Finishing Footers

Honduras. Day 43.

Today was a blast.

I woke up early enough to go with Marc and pick up Milton from the apartments. The others were going to go work at the warehouse and then at the dump today, but I really wanted to go with Milton and work in Mirador Oriente on the footers for the new high school. So Marc took us to Oriente, dropped us off, and he went to meet the others.

And so I was, once again, the only gringo left on the mountain. It was very remincient of my first few days in Hondo. It was just me, Milton, Omar, and Erixon. I couldn't have picked a better crew though. I mixed loads and loads of concrete all day long, listened to Omar's regaeton music, and laughed and laughed at jokes in Spanish that I was actually beginning to get.

Being the only gringo on the mountain taught me several things today:

Today I learned Spanish. Officially. It was either learn it, or shut up and stay out of the loop. And I'm not good at being quiet all day.

Today I learned the value of an education. Thank you, Mom and Dad, for not letting me drop out in kindergarten when I thought I had had enough. I know realize that I do not want to work construction for a living.

Today I learned that using concrete mixers and cement trucks is cheating.

But today I also learned that, no matter how hard the labor may be, or how out of my element I may find myself to be, I always have reasons to thank my God. Me and Milton took a breakfast break around 10:30, and we just had such great, deep conversations that I can't help but be thankful for my friendship with him. He told me today what a great friend he considers me to be, and that really meant a lot. I also enjoyed the good feeling that came from finishing the footers and having Marc really compliment us for a job well done; I thank God for the ability to work hard and accomplish stuff that feels so good to accomplish.

But above and beyond it all, I thank God that, no matter how hard or weird a day is, I am never without Him. He goes with me and works beside me in every single thing that I may do in a day. And that's pretty awesome.

Great day.

Concrete Volcanoes

Honduras. Day 42.

I'm not going to lie. I had a pretty stinking awesome day today.

This morning, Marc woke me up at about 5:30 or so (which is exactly when I wanted to get up so that I could have coffee and ample time for a personal, morning devo), but the next thing I knew it was about 6:15. I completely underestimated the comfort of a queen-sized, down mattress. But I got up, took a shower (Marc has Hondo-style, "electric" showers; a funny switch to go back to after having American showers in the apartments), and then had some Raisin Bran and coffee while I read a little bit more out of Psalm 119.

Let me share this with you. I came across a verse that said, "I will walk in freedom, because I walk in your commandments." I asked Marc and Andrea what they thought that meant, since so many people perceive that, if you become a disciple, you become a slave to God's rules and lose your own "personal freedom." It was awesome to spend a few minutes out of the morning talking about it, and all coming to the conclusion that, when we submit to God, we are free from the addiction to and obsession with a corrupt way of life. We do become slaves to God, but that is slavery to a way that is good, full of peace and joy, and just all-around "better."

As a Christian, I can't help BUT serve a way of life that makes me happy. And as a Christian, I no longer HAVE to have anything to do with the old way of life that used to tear me to pieces.

And that's pretty cool.

Me and Marc loaded up in the green truck to head to Mirador Oriente to work on the footers for the high school we're building there in that community. But, "welcome to Honduras," there was a taxi strike in the city today (it happens all the time, apparently), and we got stuck in traffic for an hour and a half. But it was all good; I called and talked to David, my brother in law, for a good while, and me and Marc had some great conversation too. When we finally got to Mirador Oriente, Marc took Karis to go see a doctor (she's had a sore throat for WAY too long), and the rest of us stayed and mixed concrete.

I love mixing concrete. It has got to be the best job in the world for the one-track, task-oriented, male mindset. First, 70 shovel fulls of sand. Second, 55 shovel fulls of rocks. Third, two bags of cement mix. Fourth, build a volcano out of it. Fifth, pour water in the volcano and stir thoroughly. Sixth, you are now officially a hoss, because that was hard work.

And then repeat.

We did that for a while until eventually me and Milton had to go buy more concrete mix. I always enjoy hanging out with Milton because, despite the language barrier, we always have great talks. And he said my Spanish is greatly improving too, so that felt good to hear. We all went and got chicken sandwiches and Phille cheese steak sandwiches for lunch break (while Karis sent me a text message that just said, "Bears, beets, Battlestar Gallactica." And if any of you are fans of "The Office," you know that would have made your day too), then back to Mirador to work a little bit more before the rain came and made the cement a little too soupy to handle anymore.

We met Marc and Karis and Rachel (who just got back from retreat with Terry Reaves' group) at Cafemania. After some iced latte, me and Marc loaded back up to head to Santa Ana. We stopped at Despensa for some groceries, then at the Blue House for fried chicken, and right now, Marc is making mashed potatoes, corn on the cob, and Blue House chicken for supper. Oh, and we bought Maldeadas for desert.

I'm covered in concrete, and hoping that it will all wash out; I'm extremely tired, and hoping I'll wake up tomorrow; but life in Hondo was still just way too good today, and I KNOW it will continue to be tomorrow.

Container Time!

Honduras. Day 41.

Today, I woke up early and walked to the Dunkin' Donuts down by Hospital Escuela for a breakfast croissant, a cup of hot coffee, and an amazing time of digging into God's Word. I felt so encouraged reading part of Psalm 119, about how delighting in God's commands and actually having a relationship with Him should go hand in hand. It was a great morning devotional; much needed at that.

We loaded up and went to the warehouse for a little while to work. We moved some machinery and then we sat... for a LONG time. I finally called Marc, and he said to come out to Mirador Oriente to mix concrete for the new school. We got there, and, "welcome to Honduras," there was no sand to mix with. But it was all good. Milton, Steve, and Keither waited for the sand, and the rest of us went back to wait for a container to come in.

I never thought I'd say this but: I was glad the container came.

It's always been my least favorite job, unloading a semi-truck full of missionary junk and storing it in the warehouse, but after a day of feeling completely useless, I relished the container work. And once it was all done, in record time (1 hour 30 minutes), it felt GREAT. Marc then took us out to Carnita's for supper as a reward.

And now I'm in Santa Ana. I asked Marc if I could come live with him and Terri for a while. I was really getting tired of the lifestyle of the apartments, and I think that living out here in Santa Ana will put me closer to some of the TORCH groups and provide me with more opportunity to work and less opportunity to sit around like I did today. Also, I think it will give me a lot more quiet time with my God.

So I'm all the way out in Santa Ana right now. And yet, after a long, crazy day... I am happy.

Back to Work

Honduras. Day 40.

Sorry in advance. Today's is short.

We went to Nuevo Oriental today to get back to work. The girls went and served the kids in the community at the feeding center. The guys stayed near the women's center and dug the foundation for a high school that one of the TORCH groups is going to build. After feeling like I hadn't done too much work in a while, it felt amazing to work hard again. We pick-axed and shoveled all day, and in a few hours we had a foundation dug. We then went to the warehouse to load up a few things in Marc's truck. When we got back to the apartments, I packed up my laptop and walked to Cafemania. I Facebooked and watched some 268generation there, and then met the others to buy groceries at La Colonia.

My apologies for it being brief, but it's been a long day in a few... other areas. And yet, as mixed up as things may get, I give my anxieties over to my Maker, and He in turn gives me peace to press on.

La Ceiba

Honduras. Day 40.

I just got back to the apartments in Teguc. We took a big "family" vacation with Marc this weekend to the beautiful seaside city of La Ceiba. It was like we stepped out of Honduras and into "Pirates of the Caribbean." There were thatched roof huts all along the beach, tons of old fishing boats pulled up to the shore, and a variety of different people that you could encounter everywhere you turned. From French Canadians to Rastafarians, La Ceiba was full of interesting people. But it was the sheer beauty that I experienced while I was there that is what I really want to get at with this blog entry.

We got there Friday afternoon at around 2:00. The others laid in bed and chilled around the "resort" (a term I use loosely because, after all, it's still Honduras), but I was there only to change into swim trunks and hit the beach. I picked a direction and just walked. I saw so many beautiful things along the way. And after I was a few miles down the beach from where I started, I just started praying. I found it so easy to connect with God at that beach. I would stand with my feet buried under the white foam as the waves tugged at my ankles and swirled all around me, ocean spray against my skin, and I could just so easily lift up my eyes and see God in that place. And that's a feeling I greatly desire to chase with every chance that I get to experience Him through His creation.

That night we went out to a seafood restaurant on the beach. And you could tell this place was FRESH seafood at that. I had shrimp thermidor that was killer good (especially because Marc paid for it). We got back late that night, and a few of us walked around on the beach and talked and just soaked it all in.

I decided not to go white water rafting Saturday morning. I desperately wanted to go, but I even more wanted to just stay at the beach and enjoy the spiritual recharge that the beautiful scenery offered. So I woke up at around 11:30, grabbed Kale (he stayed behind too), and we went for a walk. We met up with some Rastafarian friend ("Robert") that Kale had met the night before. We went with Robert to his beach hut and looked at his rock collection. Robert was an interesting character; he was convinced that his rocks were worth a lot of money because you could "see things" in the rocks.

I gotta' tell you: I stared at those rocks for a good 30 minutes, and never really saw anything that'd make me want to pay $100.

:)

But I enjoyed playing along with Robert, and talked about how I "definitely" saw the "frog" and the "snake head." Then Robert went into a big spill about how what we see is all in our perception. Now that... that was actually wise. He said that we wouldn't be able to see the "frog" in the rock unless he pointed it out to us, but then, once he had pointed it out, we wouldn't be able to see anything BUT the frog. I thought about that for a while, and I think it actually makes sense. Were it up to me, I would have never molded that rock in my mind to look like a frog; but once he said, "frog," I have to admit, I kind of did see a frog.

And it makes me wonder if we do that with religion a little too much. Some religious leader tells us that "this" is what a particular verse means. And once he has told us that, it's almost impossible for us to see it any other way. And so that makes me wonder how much of the stuff we believe we believe because it's how we've been shaped to see it. And that's kind of scary.

We have to break past pre-conceived perceptions and look at things with raw eyes and hearts and minds... And that's tough. But if we can do that... That is where we will find truth.

Kale stayed with Robert a little while longer, but I just went out to walk the beach some more. Eventually a wave got me soaked and, unfortunately, soaked my camera too (so no more pictures for the rest of the summer, most likely). I just kept praying and praying as I walked the shoreline. I eventually went back and grabbed some lunch with Karis and a few of the others. Then I went and walked the beach a little more, until the sun started to set.

I don't think I've ever seen a more beautiful sunset in my life. The sun poured light through a suspended canopy of cirrus clouds, dancing golden light all over the now-darkening waves, casting a surreal glow over everything in it's path.

And they say this was all an accident... In that moment, seeing that sunset, I couldn't help but tell God, over and over, how much I loved Him. It was a huge spiritual recharge, and a much needed one at that.

That night, we all went out to Applebee's. When we came back, we chased sand crabs for a little while. Then we laughed at Milton pretending to be a frog in the pool. Me and Karis walked on the beach for a while, and eventually Kale and Nolan came back from some hotel they were hanging out at and we talked with them for a little while. This morning, we got up for "church," which meant going out to a grove of trees and sitting around while Marc talked from 2 Corinthians 5 about being "crazy for Christ" and being truly forgiven. Then we passed around some sugar bread and a juice bottle and took a good period of reflection on Christ's sacrifice at the same time. It was great. Then we loaded up, went to Lake Yahoa for some AMAZING bass for lunch, and then finished the long drive back to Teguc.

What a weekend... You can drive six hours to the Caribbean coast of Honduras and experience God there in such an amazing way. And yet, now that I'm back, I know that the truth is that you can never escape from His presence so, really, you can experience Him in different and amazing ways with every step you take, wherever He may take you.

Just When You Thought It Was Over...

Honduras. Day 37.

This morning, me, Karis, Nolan, Kale, Milton and Hannah loaded up in the truck to go meet the others (we were a little late, because we were a little lazy) in Santa Ana. They were working on a new sidewalk there. Me, Karis, Nolan, Kale and Hannah, however, got to go back to my favorite (sarcasm) house site in the whole world: the cursed house in Ojojona. Apparently, the roof didn't have enough overhang, and it had holes in it. Well, when we got there, they had already added the leftover pieces to provide an overhang, so all I had to do was crawl up on the roof and patch up all the holes. So "just when you thought it was over," the never-ending Ojojona house had one more day of work to plague us with afterall. Maybe next week it'll fall apart and we'll have to go back and re-build it.

:)

After we got that done, we just hung out in Ojojona for a while (got pupusas, hung out at the big tree, walked around, etc.). Eventually the rest of the group showed up to eat pupusas. After that, we got the truck and headed with Marc to Sector Ocho. It was awesome to be back in that community; it is definitely my favorite in all of Honduras. All of the old women recognized me, and they were really kind to me. I saw Reyna's grandmother, and she said that Reyna was doing much better now (GREAT news, because God's just that GREAT), and got to see my buddies like Danella, Pamela, Lester, Marlo Moises, and Josilyn. After hanging out there for a while, we loaded back up and went and got the van that we're taking to La Seiba (a beach-side city we're chilling out all weekend this weekend; so I probably won't have any updates for this weekend). Then we got some Wendy's (yeah, being an intern is rough), and then we just went back to the apartments. Kale and Nolan were watching Van Helsing; me and Karis eventually gave up on that because it was way too cheesey and watched The Office instead.

I have a feeling that La Seiba will be awesome. There'll be white water rafting, hanging out on the beach, good food, and just all-around much needed relaxation. Pray for our trip and our safety.

Dump Day

Honduras. Day 36.

Today we woke up and went and got food at La Colonia to make sandwiches to take to the dump. We also picked up two huge branches of bananas to take to them. I was really excited about delivering all the food and water to the dump, but I never expected it to be such a different experience from last time. When we got to the dump, it started to pour down rain. When we finally parked the truck, I was soaked within 30 seconds. All of the people at the dump were huddled together under makeshift shelters they had put together out of tarps. We passed around food and sandwiches and bananas to everyone that we could, but eventually, of course, we ran out of food. That's when things started to get a little ugly. There was one drunk man there, who had probably been sniffing glue every day of his life, who was not happy at all with me and Steve when we told him we didn't have anymore food. When that didn't look good, we loaded up in the truck to leave as quick as we could. But the drunk guy wouldn't let go of the truck, and he was so physically weak that he couldn't stand on his own, so that when Nolan started to back up, he almost accidentally backed over the man. We yelled to stop, and some other people picked the guy up off the ground. I was the only guy in the back of the truck, and so he started coming at me trying to start a fight. But it wasn't a scary thing; it was heart-breaking to watch. This guy couldn't hardly stand up; he was skinnier than a rail; I wasn't threatened by him, I was just crushed to see this man who was so despaired and overwhelmed with sorrow that he was trying to pick a fight with anyone or anything that he could, even if it was the missionary who was trying to give his friends some food. Rob Bell said it best once, "Sometimes people are always trying to pick a fight because they've realized they're not actually in one." This man had such a hole in his life that he was angry; angry, and frustrated, and mad, and confused, and hurting, and he was lashing out at me just because he was realizing his hurt. And the sad part is, every human being on the face of the planet has that same hole within us, we're just not all as aware of it as that guy was.

And it's a God-shaped hole, because He's the only one that will ever be able to fill it.

Chili's and Moaloa

Honduras. Day 35.

Yesterday was amazing. Me, Karis, Nolan, and Kale went with Marc most of the day all around Tegucigalpa. We went to the Sociedad Biblia (the Bible institute in Tegucigalpa that is a gorgeous PALACE in the downtown) and order 40 boxes of Bibles with some money that Karis and Nolan's church raised. Those are going to be an awesome blessing to the people here. The rest of the day was pretty lazy. We met up with Milton at Chili's and had a great, fun lunch together. That night we made quesadillas in the apartments, and watched Hitch on TV. Fun day.

Today I woke up early to go with Luis to Villa Gracia to work with Terry Reaves' TORCH group. I got Nolan and Karis (the other interns) up to go with us. We took a taxi to the bus stop at the bottom of El Hatillo, and then took a "Rapidito," (translation: a mini-bus that they cram 100 people in for real cheap) to the mission house. The group split off into people going to Hospital Escuela (which I've already done too much this summer), a group building a house (which I didn't feel like today), and a group going to Moaloa near San Miguel. I chose Moaloa with Karis, Nolan and Rachel.

We got there and babysat some of the kids while the moms made food for all of the children in the community at the feeding center at the church (which I helped build the foundation of in 2004, so it was crazy de ja veaux to come back several years later and see how it had all come together). Eventually I got to leave the day care job and work a little in the kitchen. I was just drying the dishes (but there were A LOT of dishes), but I didn't mind; it was just a different kind of service today, I guess. Afterwards, I played a little soccer with a boy named Josue, checked out a cool new day care project they're starting in that community, and then loaded up to leave. Then these cops came and tried to illegally arrest my good friend Josue from Los Pinos over so false accusations about land ownership; it was a fiasco. Eventually it got sorted out, and everything was okay. But still, it was a crazy day.

We got back to the apartments this evening, and Hannah got here not long after us. So me, Hannah, Karis, Nolan, and Milton went and got Little Caesar's pizza and took it back to the apartments to eat it on the roof (a very peaceful dinner: pizza and Coke Zero while enjoying the view of the city at night). It's been a long day; but a God-blessed one nonetheless.

Sweet Sunday

Honduras. Day 33.

Well, yesterday, Saturday, we went to the fruit market in the morning and bought a ton of food that we took back to the warehouse and packaged up to distribute to families in the community outside of Valley of Angels. That was pretty awesome. I met some cool people from Terry Reaves' group, and met some awesome people there on the mountain too. This one lady named Marta came up to me when I was on the road by myself and said, "I NEED one of those bags," without even knowing what was in it. So I told her I'd follow her to her house (which, of course, she failed to mention was FAR, far away). When we got there, I opened the bag for her and showed her all of what was inside. I don't think I've someone glow that much in quite some time. That was pretty awesome.

Today, Sunday, I had a real cool "Lord's Day." We drove a couple hours out of Teguc towards San Pedro Sula to a massive waterfall and had "church" there with just the interns, AIMers, and Marc's family. Marc talked to us a little bit, really informally, and then we passed around tortillas and a jug of Welch's for the Lord's Supper (try getting away with that one back in the States!). Then we all talked about some of the things we had been studying ourselves lately. It was a really cool "church service."

And what we did next... was awesome.

The waterfall was set up almost like a water park. So we just spent the rest of the day there, swimming in the lakes around the waterfalls. Even better, there was a small waterfall that you could actually slide down. The first few times I slid down the easy way, and then I tried the adventurous-looking "water shoot" on the side of the slide. It was fast, and crazy-cool, but also full of rocks (I am still sore as anything as I type this several hours later). But all in all it was a great experience. The waterfall was BEAUTIFUL (look for Facebook pictures later), and it was just a blast to enjoy God's creation that way.

We went to a fresh fish restaurant after that. And I mean fresh. As in, it was on the side of a massive lake, from which they would drag the fish in and then put them straight into the frier (eyes, brains, fins, EVERYTHING). As weird as it was to eat a bass that was looking up at me, it was some of the best fish I've had in a long time. And it was a lot of fun just relaxing with everyone too. It was a long drive back, but we made it safe and sound. And, reflecting on the day, I thank God for His ability to bless me with creative Sabbaths like today.

:)

Free Day

Honduras. Day 31.

Yesterday I went and did the Hospital Escuela, Mi Esperanza, and School for the Blind package with Mark Halbert's group from Tupelo, MS. It was their last day, and there were no more houses to be built. It was cool to see the kids at the hospital and at the blind school, so I guess it was an okay day. Went to Carnita's last night with one of the interns, and just had a real chill evening.

But today: well, today was cool.

Today we had a free day. Marc took Mark Halbert's group to the San Pedro Sula airport, so there was no one here to work with except if we wanted to go and help Mark Connel with a playground at the Good Shepherd orphanage. Translation: we all slept in. Me and Luis got up at about 8:00 and walked a couple of blocks to a street vendor that sells awesome breakfast subs. Then I went back to bed. We woke up later and made fun of Karis because she lost her voice, and then... I went back to bed.

It ain't easy being an intern...

I woke up around 12:50 and all of the others were gone. That was actually okay though. I just chilled, took a shower, and then packed my laptop and Bible into my backpack and started walking around. I found an awesome chicken seller near Hospital Escuela, and the chicken there was AWESOME (I will be returning every chance I get). I ate it at a Espresso Americano, and then ordered a Moccachino Supreme (if Wesley Thompson just read that, he may have just died) and spent the rest of the afternoon working on lessons for this coming fall. It was so spiritually uplifting to think that long about Scripture, and so I not only got a lot accomplished, but I think I grew a lot. I walked to La Colonia Mega (I got my exercise in today) and bought a few groceries for myself, and then I walked back. Marc came and picked us all up and took us to Pizza Hut, always good. Then Keith drove us back to the apartments and me, Nolan, and Kale hung out of the windows yelling at everyone. It was fun.

I had a great free day. Processed a lot of stuff that's happened, caught up and sleep, and have a sense of peace and happiness in Christ that I hope will spill over into the weekend.

Juan's House

Honduras. Day 29.

Today I worked on a house in Santa Ana for one of the guards, Juan, at the children's home, Casa de Esperanza. Building this house for him is basically giving him a $50 per month raise (big money in Hondo) because he no longer has to pay rent on where he was living. So that was a pretty cool thing to get to do.

At first, there was way too many people on such a tiny plot of land, so I just chilled in the truck for a while. Eventually I got up and decided to at least be spiritually productive, so I went to Los Arcos and had some papas fritas and a Fresca while I read my Bible. I focused on the Psalms, particularly Psalm 139, which I've decided to read every day to remind me that I am a work of art that God has signed and knows me inside and out AND that every other person on the face of the planet is too. That really refueled me to go out and focus on seeing people as Jesus would, and I tried for a while, and it really did a number on my perception and set me at so much more peace. I really feel like God is working hard on my heart here.

All of the others eventually came to Los Arcos later for pupusas, and I got to sit and eat with a guy named Kevin and we had what turned out to be a pretty awesome conversation. At first we just talked about college and seminary and learning Greek and Hebrew and all of that stuff (which really bores me to talk about), but then we got into plans for our lives, and that was awesome. I mentioned that I was a Missions and Graphic Design double major, but that I was thinking of switching Missions to regular Bible. He talked about how beneficial he thinks it is for groups to see this side of life, which I agreed to but said that I didn't think it was for me, long-term at least, and that I wanted to do church plants in the States. What a coincidence it was, then, that that is exactly what Kevin is doing right now. So we talked about that for a little while, and then we headed back to the house.

At first, I was thinking that this group was not exactly the personality types I enjoyed getting along with. But once I went back to the house and committed to work alongside them (even if there were too many people, I was tired of sitting around), I realized that I REALLY liked this group. The older people are very kind, and the three younger girls were fun and nice as well. It was a small group, but it was a group of brothers and sisters in Christ nonetheless; and once I kept that in mind, I had an awesome day. I did a good bit of the roof with Kevin and Luis and Mark Halbert, and then the wall with the girls. And once we finished, I can honestly say that it was one of the best Hondo houses I've ever worked on. I was very proud of it. And then I found out it was a house in memory of Rick's (one of the older guys from Tupelo) father, and that just made it even better.

What a great day.

Then we came back to the apartments, cleaned up, and went to the mall. I found an opportunity to go off by myself (alone time is good after living with 8 other people for a month) and had some Popeye's (yes, I do love Popeye's chicken and biscuits even though I realize I am white). I walked around for a bit, got some Espresso Americano (ohhhhh yes), and then talked with Terri, Matt and Nicole for a while. After that, I couldn't find the others (I think they left), and my phone was out of minutes; but, honestly, I was pretty okay with that, and so I just went out, caught a cab, and came back to the apartments to watch another Louie Giglio talk and maybe go to the Nashville group's devo in a little while.

Dios es bueno, todo el tiempo. Y todo el tiempo, Dios es bueno.

Ojojona... Continued

Honduras. Day 28.

Today I went back to Ojojona to finish the never ending house with Nolan, Karis, and Rainer. We got there, told the lady that we would finally finish her house today because we brought our two best chainsaws, and we started to get to work. So me and Nol try to fire up the two 24 inch blade Stihl chainsaws and... neither one worked.

I remember thinking, "You've gotta be kidding me."

Richard, the preacher at the church in Ojojona, showed up to try and help. He couldn't fix the chainsaws (go figure; the house is cursed). So we went with Richard to his house back towards the city to pick up his chainsaw, then we went to buy oil for it, and then back to the house. We fire up his chainsaw and... it also does not work. Again, go figure; this house never ends.

So Nolan and Karis and Rainer left to go and get another chainsaw from the bodega in Santa Ana, and me and Richard stayed at the house. After trying all of the chainsaws again until our arms were sore, we eventually gave up and waited on Nolan. He came back with a chainsaw that actually worked (praise!!!) and we finished the house up. It took forever, and we did a lot of dangerous stuff trying to get it done which I won't post on this blog because I know that certain persons would not appreciate knowing how their son stood on a 2 x 4 and chainsawed the side off of a wall (whoops, I said it). So we load up in the truck, and think we're about to leave.

Not a chance.

Richard then informed us that the other house that a different crew was working on LAST FRIDAY in Ojojona was not finished. They had told us that it was... Grrr... So we went and looked at the house, realized that it needed a door, a window, and one more wall. One problem: no hinges. So we made a trip back to a hardware store in the city, bought the basegras, and went all the way back out to the house. Nearly two hours later (yes, we ran into some problems at that house too; imagine that) we finally finished the house. We got the family inside and prayed with them and as we were praying, I realized that the grandmother was crying as she prayed. After the prayer, she looked up at us, with tears in her eyes, and thanked us and thanked God for the new house.

Okay. So, reflection time: we started two houses last friday in this community, and we finished them today, five days later. And I can personally testify that these houses were not started... how should I say this... they were started terribly, and were not, by any means, houses that I was proudest of. But the lady in the first house was so touched by the generosity and Christ-like attitude of our group that she was coming to church now. And one of the ladies of the second house was so touched that she was moved to tears and praising God and blessing us for what we had done.

I was confused.

But I guess it makes sense. I was frustrated all day; I mean, it was a very frustrating work day. But when I'm frustrated, when I'm thinking that nothing is going right, when I'm thinking that the day is a bigger problem than a blessing, God has a way of showing off and saying, "Think what you want about what you see around you, but I am still God, I am still alive and working in your world, and I am still good."

As frustrated as I was today, I got back to the apartments around 4:00, showered off and put on fresh clothes, grabbed Kale and we caught a cab to Cafemania. We sat in Cafemania and watched one of Louie Giglio's talks online, listened to some Chris Tomlin, and talked about spiritual stuff for three whole hours. And it was AMAZING. We talked about seeing people like Jesus would see people: as souls, as people made in the image of God, as persons who are fearfully and wonderfully made. And then, how "ironic," Louie's talk ("Unthinkable You" on 268generation.com) was on that exact same topic. So after we watched that, we talked about it a whole lot more, and we started talking about trying to put it into practice. We left and walked to Little Caesar's for some pizza and breadsticks and canelitas, and as we went, we really tried to look at people the way that Jesus did the whole way. It was eye-opening, and I could feel God stirring inside me as I viewed people how He views them; not judgmentally, not focusing on exteriors or labels, but looking at them as a person. And that is going to be my goal from here on out: see people as Jesus sees people. And all of that great quality, spiritual time really built me up and gave me the encouragement I was desperately needing.

Then, check this out: we get back and get invited to this devo some other mission group is having on the roof of the apartments. They're from some church of Christ in Nashville, and they are an amazing, open, friendly, and Christ-centered group. We sang praises and prayed and talked about Christ for a couple of hours on the roof, and they were very welcoming to those of us that joined them.

When I am feeling down, He always has a way of lifting my head.

So I am so refreshed and recharged spiritually right now. I am looking forward to tomorrow, and the rest of the week, and the rest of my life. Because God is God; alive, well, working... and good.

So good.

Ojojona House and Sector Ocho

Honduras. Day 27.

Crazy, crazy day today.

Me, Karis, and Nolan spent the night at Marc's in Santa Ana last night so that we could wake up early and go finish a house in Ojojona that a TORCH group started on the other day. Let me tell you about this house: it is one of the easiest sites I have ever seen, and yet it is, to say the least, CURSED.

Day 1 of working on that house: they didn't get the tools until way late, and they did one of the walls wrong. They got the four posts in, and one and a half walls done. No bueno.

Day 2 of working on that house (I was on the crew that day): we got there at 9 in the morning. Sounds promising, right? But we had to leave at 11 to go to Good Shepherd. 2 hours? Are you kidding me? Not to mention, we had to take down the half-of-a-wall because it wasn't right, and we didn't have hinges to get the door or window done.

Day 3 of working on that house (today, with the TORCH interns): we get there, and things are going well at first. We are finishing up the floor when we realize that we need to cut the last piece, and then... the chainsaw chain screws up. So Nolan tried to start on the roof. But we didn't have roofing nails. So we wait for Terri to come back so we can tell her to go back and buy some. So me and Nolan sat down to work on the chainsaw. After awhile, we actually kinda figured out how it worked, and we got the chain on, and it started working. But it couldn't cut a piece of paper, so we re-did it. And then it worked perfectly. And then... it ran out of gas. So about that time, the preacher at the Ojojona church pulls up on his motorcycle to help. He does the chain again, and then he siphons gas out of his motorcycle and into the chainsaw. That was kinda cool. So about that time, Terri shows up with the nails. Nolan does a few pieces of tin, then came down to help with the chainsaw. I went up to do the rest of the roof (which was kinda shotty). Meanwhile, the chainsaw break broke, and then, eventually, the chainsaw split itself in two. I cannot even describe how frustrating the whole thing was. I finished the roof, we packed up the tools, and I explained to the lady about the chainsaw problems. I told her we'd be back tomorrow to finish, and I apologized. But she said it was okay, and that she was still very happy.

I found out later that she was so impressed that these Christian gringos would come to another country and build her a house that she had started coming to church. Wow. I was thinking, "This has to be one of the most messed up, cursed houses that I've ever worked on (I mean... four days to finish!?), and this lady is so impressed that she's coming to church?" It's weird, but it's awesome. And it shows that God can work through anything (even bogus TORCH houses) to bring people to Him. And it shows that we are still witnessing Christ to people, even when we think we're not doing a good enough job. God still works.

We had pupusas with Terri at Los Arcos in Santa Ana, and then we went to Toncontin airport to pick up a new rental truck (and it is NIIICCEEE). Then we went to Sector Ocho to help the Tupelo TORCH group finish their two houses. That made things so much better, because Sector Ocho is my favorite place; it's where all of my little friends are. So we roll in, and I step out of the truck, and all the kids start yelling, "Arroz!" and that made stuff a lot better. I did all the roof supports on Luis's site, and then walked around and talked to people in the community. I talked to Danella, Josilyn, and Lester's mom for a while, and she explained how she was needing a new roof because of how it leaked. I told her I'd personally see to it that I can buy her some new tin, and I really mean that. I'm going to make that a project for myself.

They finished the houses on time (I was kinda shocked at that, actually), and the houses were really nice. We all went and had chicken lasagna (to die for) at Julio's house in Santa Ana, and then to devotional with all of TORCH at the Jesus Statue tonight. Marc gave the devo; it was about picking up your cross daily, and being willing to sacrifice it all for Christ. We got back to the apartments a little after 10 o'clock, and then me, Kale, Karis, Luis, and Nolan got in the truck to go for a late night Wendy's run.

It's been a crazy day. But I'm starting to realize that every day is. And yet... Even though it was nuts, I am happy right now. It's been a good day. A good, LONG day. 

God's Song

Honduras. Day 26.

This morning, we got up early to get all of our stuff packed at the house in El Hatillo so that we could move back to the apartments in Humuya quicker this afternoon. We left all the luggage by the door and then piled in Marc's truck (the Galloper is apparently still in the auto-hospital, as well it should be) and headed to church in Los Pinos, where one of the TORCH groups was going to be worshipping. The church service there was fine, but I did bring my iPod with one of Andy's sermons on it so that I could go out after communion and listen to a message (it's been rough not being able to understand anything in church, and I was craving a good Bible lesson; you never understand how being removed from a strong, supporting church can affect you until it's gone). I got to see some of my favorite kids after they got out of class, and that was awesome; got to hang out with David and Luis too, and they're quickly becoming some of my best buds, so that's always good too.

We went and got some of the luggage at El Hatillo and took it to the apartments. We dropped off a few people at Carnita's (an awesome steak restaurant built inside of an old dugout of a run-down baseball field), then a few of us went back to get the rest of the luggage. After we moved it all into the apartments, we all joined Timoteo's family, Norlan (the bus driver), Marc and his family, and Mark Halbert's group from Tupelo for an awesome lunch at Carnita's. Me, Karis, Nolan, David and Kale left early to go to the apartments, and then we left later on to go to Valle of Angeles to meet the others. Me and David walked around Valle de Angeles looking for a guitar (of which there were no cheap ones), and then had Espresso Americano. That was a good time, and then we loaded up and went to devo at Santa Lucia with both TORCH groups. The singing tonight was AMAZING, and it was definitely the recharge that I needed. Tim Hine's gave a mini-devo when he prayed after the singing, and he prayed about how great the singing is going to be in Heaven.

Nothing new. Heard people pray about that before.

But then he prayed about how excited he was to hear what it was going to be like when God sings to us in Heaven. He quoted Zephaniah 3:17, and said that, someday, God will sing over us.

Now that I hadn't heard before.

God's song... I wonder what it will say. I wonder how it will sound. I wonder if Jesus and the Holy Spirit will sing harmony. God's song to us... God's song... over us... I don't know; maybe I'm weird, but that's a pretty cool idea to me. I think so often about singing being something I give to Him. But someday, He'll give it to us.

I look forward to it.

Ruthy

Honduras. Day 25.

Today rocked.

Me, Karis, Kale, and Luis woke up early this morning to go meet up with a small part of the TORCH group to go finish a few houses in Ojojona (it was going to be just me and Luis until I mentioned that I was making chocolate chip pancakes for breakfast, and then I picked up two more people, haha). So we headed out (it was a LONG bus ride), and got there at about 9 this morning. We got as far as we could on the houses, but still didn't get to finish because Tim Hines wanted us to leave early to go meet up with the rest of the TORCH group at a children's home called Good Shepherd. We were all really frustrated that we didn't finish the house today; but it was a divine frustrated. I saw people who were angry that someone was going to go without their new house for another day, and that is a type of anger that inspired me. The people I worked with were genuinely caring about this lady and her house... It was awesome.

So then we made the... EXTREMELY long bus ride to Good Shepherd from Ojojona. But it was so worth the trip. We got there, and they had grilled chicken for all of us and all of the kids. I had lunch with Luis, Gellermo, Marlon and Josue on the bus. Those guys are hilarious. Then I met up with these guys named Francisco and Miguel, and two of their other friends whom I never caught the name of. We actually had some good conversations, hung out and watched some people break dance for all the kids, but then I didn't see them again for awhile. But the reason.. was pretty cool.

This girl came up to me and grabbed my hand out of no where. I looked down and saw her, and she just looked up at me and smiled. I could tell there was something wrong with her, but I wasn't exactly sure what. She couldn't walk very well, and after trying to talk to her for a while, some other girl walked by and finally told me that she couldn't talk. But she clutched my hand tight, kept smiling at me, and then led me around the children's home for the property for a while. Eventually I picked up her name: Ruthy. There were a lot of different kids there that day, but I think the one I remember most is Ruthy. She wanted to give me presents all day long (which usually were just pieces of trash she picked up off the ground and broken crayons), and eventually she gave me a balloon. Well, it was a busted balloon... that she blew on for a while, trying to blow it up and give it to me, but then she figured it was as good as it was going to get and just gave it to me with a smile. I gladly took it, and I still have it.

I pushed Ruthy in the swings for a while, and every time she'd go up she'd look back at me and smile like she was in heaven. Eventually she got tired of that and led me over to the kitchen area to show me how she could stand up on the tables all by herself. When she'd get on top of one, she'd just laugh and laugh and laugh. And I'd laugh with her. And then the bus started loading up, and I tried to tell her that I needed to go. But she wanted to keep holding my hand and walking around with me. I bent down and tried to explain that I couldn't stay. But she wouldn't have it. As hard as it was, I finally just had to say, "Adios, Ruthy." And then she got it. She looked up at me, opened her arms wide, and wrapped her arms around me.

Wow. Quite possibly the best hug I've ever gotten.

I saw Francisco and Miguel on the way out, and they asked what happened to me. I just told them, "Ruthy," and they just smiled and nodded. I shook their hands and got on the bus. It was hard to leave Good Shepherd. Not only was it a secluded children's home surrounded by gorgeous mountain farmlands, but it was a place full of new friends.

We went back to Villa Gracia (the mission house) for supper and devo. Tim Hines delivered one of those "you'll-never-forget-this" messages, and then we all hung out with Gellermo and Marlon for about an hour. Gellermo was going CRAZY, and it was hilarious. I can't even describe it, it was just too funny.

Today was a good day. And I think I know why. Here's my new equation: Life is Jesus; Jesus is Good; therefore, Life is Good.

:)

The Day that Changed My Life

Honduras. Day 23.

Today I walked into Hell.

Literally.

I don't think that words can ever fully explain what happened today. I am going to try my best to capture what happened in this blog, but you must know up front that words just simply cannot express the things that I experienced in the past several hours.

For the past few days I have been pretty sick. Not stomach stuff, just kind of a mini-flu (it happens in Honduras; it feels bad, but it's nothing serious, and it's usually gone in a few days). So I mostly just stayed at the house here recently. But I made the commitment to wake up this morning and get out and do stuff, no matter how much I didn't want to. So I loaded up with Marc this morning, and rode around with him to an unfinished work site in Los Pinos, a very poor suburb outside of Tegucigalpa, and one of my favorites because I've spent so much time there and made so many friends there. We got to the work site, and I saw that there were enough people there to finish it. I was still feeling very light headed and sore, so I just stayed in the truck with Marc, Felicia, and Kale to ride around and do some errands while the others finished up the house. We went to La Colonia, a supermarket, so that we could buy supplies to make sandwiches and have bags of water to distribute at the city dump this afternoon. Others had been there and said that it was really bad; they told me that there were hundreds of people that lived in the garbage, scavenging everyday alongside buzzards for food and shelter. And they said we were going to feed them today.

Sure. I was onboard for whatever today. I was just along for the ride.

Marc took us back to the church building in Los Pinos. Steve and Felicia made sandwiches for the dump inside the church building, and me and Kale stayed outside and played soccer with some of the kids in front of the church (we got to play with some of my long-time best friends in Hondo: Wilson, Linda, Oscar, Victor, and Faviola; me and Faviola even played hide and go seek that afternoon). After a trip to the pulperia to buy some Mirinda for everybody, and a few more rounds of "Keep Away" with the soccer ball, Marc showed up and said the house site was finished. We loaded up into his truck and took some people to Valle de Angeles to finish a house there; the rest of us stayed in the truck to make our way to the city dump.

Okay... This is where words start getting tough. And I'm actually choking up as I type this. Seriously, I just... I just can't even explain what happened next.

We got to the dump and were instantly hit with the smell of burning trash. There were heaps of garbage everywhere. It was no landfill; it was a drop-off point for all of the trash in Tegucigalpa. And there were, literally, mountains and mountains of garbage. And as we drove in to it all, I started noticing the vultures EVERYWHERE picking at the garbage. But as we went further in... I noticed that there were children alongside the vultures, rummaging through the garbage looking for scraps of anything they could get in their mouth.

How can i describe what these people looked like... They were all covered head to toe in dirt; most of them appeared black from the soot of the burning garbage. They were all extremely skinny, and looked as if you could touch them and they would break. There were men, women and children. Some of them had make-shift masks that they put over their mouths, whether it be ski-masks or just scarfs, to try and not breathe in so much of the pollution.

There were hundreds of them. Garbage-dwellers. Untouchables. People living in what I can call nothing short of... Hell.

We parked the truck. The girls sat in the bed of the truck with all of the water and sandwiches. Steve stayed to watch them, and Kale and Keith alternated taking turns watching the truck too. But me and Marc, and then either Kale or Keith, would take huge bags of water on our shoulder, or bags of sandwiches, and trudge out into the dump. Because some people would come to the truck to get food and water. But some were so far removed from... their own humanity... that they didn't even know what to do when they saw us.

The truck was parked underneith one of the big mountains of trash so that the people in the truck couldn't see over it. But... But I saw what was on the other side. I remember climbing the mountain of trash, fighting through the crowds of buzzards at my feet, and passing out a few bags of water to people sitting in the rubbish along the way... and then I remember standing on the top of that trash heap and looking over the other side and just dropping my jaw and saying... "Oh... My God..."

There were hundreds more people, all pilfering through the garbage, looking for SOMETHING that could offer them relief. There were a few dump trucks there, and people were gathered around them as they dropped their loads. It was as if the dump trucks were bringing Christmas presents to anxious boys and girls on the 25th of December. But it wasn't December. It was just another day in June, in a third-world country, at a dump where people LIVE and hope to find food and shelter out of what other people throw away.

Why is this aloud to happen? This is not life...

They saw us standing there, and they all looked up and just stood where they were and raised their hands in the air to faintly wave at us and just started saying, "Agua... Agua..." ("Water... Water..."). I came down to them, and tried to pass out the bags of water to as many people as I could. Some wouldn't look me in the eye. Some were afraid to touch me. It was as if they were too far removed from life to make contact with someone... And when we ran out of food and water, there were so many distraught faces. But we ran back to the truck to get more. And we kept running back over the mountain, passing out everything we could to everyone we could. The next few times we came back, they started feeling more comfortable with us, and they started coming up to us. There was one guy that came up to us and took the bag of water in one hand and kept sniffing the glue he had in the other (it's a deadly thing to do, but many people do it to kill their hunger pains).

And then we ran out of food and water.

The faces... I will never forget those faces. And as we marched back down to the truck, I told Keith that we had been to hell and back today. This was hell on earth. This was the destruction and corruption and brokenness of our world at its best; the brokenness God never intended us to deal with. And with every sandwich and bag of water, we tried our best to fix the corruption, to stop the hell on earth, and to bring some Heaven to this failing planet. But as we gathered around the truck to pray... I couldn't pray along with them. I felt like... I couldn't do enough. There was just too much here. Too much sadness. Too much loneliness. Too much brokenness. And as they were praying, a little boy came up to me and Marc (he wasn't praying either), and it took him awhile to warm up to us, but eventually he started shaking Marc's hand, and my hand, and gave Marc a hug. I asked him his name and he said Bryan.

His name was Bryan.

And as we pulled out, Marc asked me how things were. And all I could say was, "It's just so messed up, man." And I talked to Kale later and said, "You know, we're all going to be back at our house tonight: eating food, taking showers, climbing into beds, and going to sleep. And they are still going to be... there." And for some reason... I can't get past that.

I know this seems so over-dramatic. You may be wondering, "It couldn't have been that bad, right?" But it was unimaginably... unimaginable. Any poverty that any of you who have been to Honduras before have seen on the mountains of Los Pinos or Sector Ocho or wherever CANNOT COMPARE to what I saw at the dump today. Today, I saw people dwelling in other people's refuse. I saw people rejoicing over new dump trucks arriving with more... garbage. Today changed my life. Because as I sit here, in a nice house, on a computer, filled with some McDonald's chicken, and some nachos I just had in the kitchen.... There's people out there in the dark, hoping that someone doesn't come by and steal the nice potato sack they found to use as their pillow for the night; kids... kids just like Bryan... who are hoping they survive through the night, but probably wonder what the point of surviving the night is anymore.

Today was real.

And so I'm never taking for granted what I have anymore. I'm sick of materialism... and selfishness and... I don't know; I'm sick of a lot of things. But it ignites a passion within me to start storming the gates of hell, wherever they may be in this world, from the trash heaps of Tegucigalpa, to the friendless, lonely person I pass by on the way to class everyday, to the elderly person who needs someone to help him or her with the simple stuff of life, I want to seek those broken situations out so that I can show the love of Christ by trying to bring a little Heaven to the Hells on earth. Whether it be through a smile, or a kind word, or a hug... Christ died to bring Heaven to us through peace and forgiveness and mercy and love, and I'm going to further His cause by doing what I can to restore and renew this broken world any way that I can.

If this blog doesn't make much sense, I apologize. I wrote a Facebook note that might help some, but other than that... Today was so beyond words, and my heart is such a mess right now, that this might be a blog entry you have to just trust me on. I just don't know how to say it all.

But God help them...